We’ve bean brewing something here, that’s right, these funny coffee jokes, puns and one-liners are filled with a caffeine kick!
#15 Sad coffee
Q: What do you call sad coffee?
A: Despresso.
#14 That’s your job!
A newlywed religious couple is lying in bed one morning when the husband says, “How about you go brew us some coffee?”
The wife replies, “That’s your job.”
The husband, a little taken aback, says, “Says who?”
The wife replies, “The Bible; it’s on just about every page.”
The husband says, “No, it isn’t! The bible doesn’t say anything about brewing coffee!”
The wife gets her bible from the bedside table and flips through the pages as she says, “See every page: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.”
#13 Like kids
Q: How are coffee beans like kids?
A: They’re always getting grounded!
#12 Refills are free
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
“Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
#11 How do you take your coffee?
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.
#10 Steal coffee
Q: What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
A: Mugging!
#9 Where?
Q: Where do birds go for coffee?
A: To the NESTcafe
#8 Complains
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
#7 Coffee addict
Q: What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee.
A: I have a problem without it!
#6 Making coffee
Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
A: Because they know how to espresso themselves.
#5 Two
A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”
#4 Men like coffee
Q: How are men like coffee?
A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
#3 Difference
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
#2 Put the coffee maker on
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.”
After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”
“Yeah,” she replied, “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…”
#1 Why?
Q: Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
A: Because he was pressed for time.
