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18 of the best and funniest retirement jokes

#15 Happy on Monday

What do you call a person that is Happy on Monday?
RETIRED!

#14 The best thing about sixty-five

The best thing about sixty-five is knowing everything, the best thing about retirement is having lots of time to tell you about it.

#13 Outdoor woman

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week, in the outdoors.
“Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered, so I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine.”
Amazed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one heck of an outdoor woman!”
“No,” the woman replied, “I’m just a really bad golfer!”

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