#8 What a horrible man!
A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say “Ma’am that is one ugly baby you have there!”
The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort “Well I … I never!”
The man continued: “I’m just being honest with you ma’am, I mean, I’ve seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper”.
Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a flight attendant over. “The man behind me just hurled the most hideous insult at me, and I demand to be moved to a different seat!” she said.
The attendant gave her a consoling look of sympathy. “I’m so sorry, but as you know our flight is fully booked and until we find someone willing to switch seats, I’m afraid I won’t be able to reseat you. We do apologize, however, and if you like, in the meantime we’d be happy to offer you anything from our in-flight menu free of charge.”
“Fine”, the woman said with an air of resignation, “but I’ve never been so insulted in all my life. What a horrible man!”
“Well, I just said the truth!”, could be faintly heard from the seat behind.
Hearing that, the attendant resolved to make the woman feel better as soon as possible, telling her, “Any item of food or any alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage, whatever you choose, it’s on us”, she said.
“And if you like I’ll also bring a banana for your comfort monkey.”
#7 The perfect dessert
Q: Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A: A sheet cake.
#6 RED BITE, GREEN BITE
Q: When do you go at red and stop at green?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
#5 Salad Dressing Joke
“You name it, we’ll make it!” Was the big sign outside the new restaurant on 13th Avenue. “There is no food we can’t make for you!”
“Excuse me sir”, said a man with a heavy Russian accent to the waiter, “I vould like please, A Garden Salad vith Russian dressing.”
“RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the head cook, “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GIVE THIS GUY?”
“Don’t worry,” said the owner to the cook, “I’ll take care of everything, you just make the salad.”
And that’s how it happened that two minutes later the waiter walked out with a big Garden Salad and a picture of a Russian man putting on his pants.
