A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks, “what’s with the monkey?”
The man replies, “don’t worry about him I pay for anything he does”. The monkey jumps on the bar, finds some peanuts and eats them. He finds Some pickled egg and eats them too. Then jumps onto the pool table picks up the cue ball and eats it.
The bartender exclaims, “Holy Crap! Did you see what your monkey just did?! He just picked up the cue ball off the table at ate it!” The man apologizes, pays for his drinks and everything the monkey ate, and leaves.
A few weeks later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. Again sits at the bar as the monkey wanders around. The monkey finds some cherries. He picks one up shoves it up his butt and then pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender, astonished, exclaims, “Holy crap!!! Your monkey just picked up a cherry, shoved it up his butt, and then ate it!!!!”
The man replies, “ya ever since that cue ball he measures everything first.”