Best Bar Jokes

  • Cheating on a drunk
    in ,

    Cheating on a drunk

    A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender […] More

    Read More

  • Bar Joke
    in ,

    Bar Joke

    A guy walks into a bar, goes up to the bar man, and says “Can I have a pint of beer and a packet of helicopter flavour crisps please?” The bar man looks at him confused. “I’m sorry?” says the bar man. “A pint of beer and a packet of helicopter flavour crisps please” The […] More

    Read More

  • George Drinks
    in ,

    George Drinks

    Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup […] More

    Read More

  • The Sailor and the Pirate
    in ,

    The Sailor and the Pirate

    A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit down next to each other, get to talking and their chat soon turns to their sea adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting wars with the Navy, and the pirate tells of robbing ships and killing his enemies with the other pirates. The […] More

    Read More

  • Three guys are drinking
    in

    Your Mom’s The Best

    Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best lay in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far […] More

    Read More

  • Toilet Buddies
    in ,

    Toilet Buddies

    A guy needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so he found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So he went into the other one, closed the door, dropped his trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to him: “Hello mate, how […] More

    Read More

  • A guy and his monkey
    in ,

    A guy and his monkey

    A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks, “what’s with the monkey?” The man replies, “don’t worry about him I pay for anything he does”. The monkey jumps on the bar, finds some peanuts and eats them. He finds Some pickled egg […] More

    Read More

  • The barman and the dog
    in

    The barman and the dog

    A sheepdog walks into a bar and sits up at the bar on a barstool. The barman is very confused but decides to serve him anyway. The sheepdog orders a double scotch and the barman says, “I’m sorry for asking, but can you pay for it?” The dog says yes and reaches into his fur […] More

    Read More

  • Girls night out
    in ,

    Girls night out

    Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman […] More

    Read More

  • A New Business
    in ,

    A New Business

    A new business was opening, and one of the owner’s friends sent flowers for the occasion. But when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said. “Rest in Peace”. The owner was little upset and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, […] More

    Read More

  • The Irishman's Olives martini
    in ,

    The Irishman’s Olives

    McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […] More

    Read More

  • The Real Truth About Men With Big Feet?
    in ,

    The Real Truth About Men With Big Feet?

    A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, “Shore is, little […] More

    Read More

Load More
Congratulations. You've reached the end of the internet.