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  • Lawyer joke

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    Lawyer joke

    One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to […] More

  • Guilty Guarantee
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    Guilty Guarantee

    The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the verdict. After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prisoner. Judge: “What possible reason could you have for acquitting the prisoner?” Foreman: “Insanity, sir.” Judge: “What, all twelve of you?” More

  • The Whole Truth witness oath
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    The Whole Truth

    The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion. “Do you know what the word ‘oath’ means?” asks the judge. “Sure do,” says the witness. “Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it.” More

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    Hey, cut it out!

    TWO tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: “Hey, cut it out.” The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other’s backside again. The front […] More

  • Virgin wife funny lawyer
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    Virgin wife

    A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, “Now honey, you’ll be gentle with me won’t you. You know that I’m still a virgin.” This clearly surprises the man, “What are you saying. Aren’t I your third husband?” The woman replied, “Yes, but my first husband was […] More

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    What Should They Get?

    Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very […] More

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    Any proof?

    A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But […] More

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    Do you know me?

    Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. […] More

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    Leaving Dan In My Will

    A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will. ‘To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,’ the attorney reads. ‘To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave […] More

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    Be My Valentine

    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes […] More

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    The will to live

    A man went to his lawyer and said “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” The lawyer says “No problem, leave it all to me”. The man looks somewhat upset … “Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like […] More

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    If There’s Hell Below…

    As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn in here?”The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street and we didn’t want you to think the operation had been a failure.” Found that funny? Get a chuckle at these 15 Lawyer Jokes That’ll Give You […] More