Best School Jokes

  • What did you learn?
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    What did you learn?

    A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the glass, the worms doubled-up and died. “Now,” he said,” what do […] More

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  • Who signed that?
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    Who signed that?

    There was one little boy in the teacher’s class who really struggled to learn. One day the teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence, and of course, he didn’t know. The teacher asked him every day for a week but still, he couldn’t give the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the […] More

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  • A double positive can form a negative

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    A double positive can form a negative

    A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class. “In English,” he said, “a double negative form a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, […] More

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  • What pregnant means?

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    What pregnant means?

    “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young student confidently. “Means carrying a child.” More

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  • college surprise
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    Surprise!

    At a girl’s college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately. “I want to surprise her. You see, I’m her brother.” “Oh, she’ll […] More

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  • Children brought gifts
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    Children brought gifts

      On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that […] More

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  • What did Eve say to Adam? little johnny
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    What did Eve say to Adam?

    Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her […] More

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  • She has one fault talk too much
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    She has one fault

    Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I […] More

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    Educated Fool

    A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning. The surprised girl said, “What was that?” The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!” The girl slapped him soundly. “What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek. “Customer feedback.” More

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    Blind date

    How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate. “Terrible!” the room-mate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car. What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner.” More

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    Final Exam

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’ A smart-ass student in the back […] More

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    Beans After All

    A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence. “My father grows beans,” said one girl. “My mother cooks beans,” said a boy. A third student spoke up, “We are all human beans.” More

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