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The first suit?
A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “What […] More
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Go Ahead and Do It
Police officer talks to a driver: “Your tail light is broken, your tires must be changed, and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars!!” [Pause] Driver: “Alright, go ahead and do it. They want twice as much as that at the garage.” More
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in Random
Saving A Shirt
MAN: Have you finished ironing my silk shirt? BUTLER: Yes, sir. MAN: Then please bring it here. I have to get dressed! BUTLER: Sir, I was ironing and someone knocked on the door. I went to open it and when I came back I could smell something burning… MAN: Don’t tell me you’ve burnt my […] More
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in Marriage
Calls me handsome
When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome. Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER. More
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in Army
Too Much Trouble, Sarge
A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said, “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man, “Why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied, “Too much trouble raising […] More
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in Doctor
What’s the matter with you?
A woman went to the doctor’s office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her […] More
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in Workplace
I Need That In Writing
“Jake,” said his employer, “you’ve done a lot of good things since you’ve been here. I’m going to increase your pay five dollars a week.” “Thanks, boss,” replied Jake. “Would you mind putting that in writing?” “Why? Don’t you trust me?” “I trust you, boss,” replied Jake. “It’s my wife. If I say I got […] More
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in Random
Can’t Trust the Bookkeeper
A Mafia Boss finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million dollars. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Marco would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Boss goes to confront […] More
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in Children
Bank Account
Mother decided that 7-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.” Cathy was doing fine until she came to space for ‘Name of […] More
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in Random
An Awesome Time
A young man showed up to his date’s house and told her they were going to have “an awesome time” that evening. “What are we doing?” she asked. “I got three tickets to a concert.” “Why would we need three tickets?” his date asked. “The tickets are for your parents and sister.” More
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in Jokes
Boy or Girl
After waiting in the hospital the nurse approached and inquired of the father, “What do you want? A boy or a girl?” The father replied, “A boy!” The nurse said, “Well this time you got a girl.” “That’s okay,” said the father, being very reflective. “That was my second choice.” More
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Timing Is Key
The pastor of a local church was visited by a man evidently worse for liquor, and a young lady. She said to the minister, “Please, sir, we’ve come to be married.” “I can’t marry you with this man in this condition,” said the clergyman. “Besides haven’t you been here twice before, and haven’t I told […] More
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