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  • Calls me handsome
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    Calls me handsome

    When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome. Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER. More

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  • Too Much Trouble, Sarge
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    Too Much Trouble, Sarge

    A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said, “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man, “Why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied, “Too much trouble raising […] More

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  • What's the matter with you?
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    What’s the matter with you?

    A woman went to the doctor’s office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her […] More

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  • I Need That In Writing
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    I Need That In Writing

    “Jake,” said his employer, “you’ve done a lot of good things since you’ve been here. I’m going to increase your pay five dollars a week.” “Thanks, boss,” replied Jake. “Would you mind putting that in writing?” “Why? Don’t you trust me?” “I trust you, boss,” replied Jake. “It’s my wife. If I say I got […] More

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  • Can't Trust the Bookkeeper
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    Can’t Trust the Bookkeeper

    A Mafia Boss finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million dollars. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Marco would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court. When the Boss goes to confront […] More

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  • Bank Account
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    Bank Account

    Mother decided that 7-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.” Cathy was doing fine until she came to space for ‘Name of […] More

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  • An Awesome Time
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    An Awesome Time

    A young man showed up to his date’s house and told her they were going to have “an awesome time” that evening. “What are we doing?” she asked. “I got three tickets to a concert.” “Why would we need three tickets?” his date asked. “The tickets are for your parents and sister.” More

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  • Boy or Girl
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    Boy or Girl

    After waiting in the hospital the nurse approached and inquired of the father, “What do you want? A boy or a girl?” The father replied, “A boy!” The nurse said, “Well this time you got a girl.” “That’s okay,” said the father, being very reflective. “That was my second choice.” More

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  • Timing Is Key
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    Timing Is Key

    The pastor of a local church was visited by a man evidently worse for liquor, and a young lady. She said to the minister, “Please, sir, we’ve come to be married.” “I can’t marry you with this man in this condition,” said the clergyman. “Besides haven’t you been here twice before, and haven’t I told […] More

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  • Buying Life Insurance
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    Buying Life Insurance

    The insurance agent was having quite an easy time selling Mrs. Cunningham insurance on her husband’s life. In fact, he thought it was too easy. When all the details were finalized Mrs. Cunningham casually asked, “Now if my husband should die tomorrow what would I get?” “That would depend entirely,” the insurance man replied, “on […] More

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  • Rural Village politician
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    Rural Village

    A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them. “We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.” The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, “I have sorted it out. A […] More

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  • Two dumb fishermen
    in ,

    They Can’t See It

    Little Johnny went fishing with his dad, who had his fishing license on the back of his hat. After a while they had caught no fish when Little Johnny offered the following suggestion: “Dad, turn your hat around so the fish can see your license.” More

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