Best Marriage Jokes

  • Did it help?

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    Did it help?

    A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house picking up after him.” The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were […] More

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  • Two buddies were sharing drink

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    Two buddies were sharing drink

    Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one. “Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see, kinky, huh?” “Well, not exactly – I sit up and beg and she rolls over […] More

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  • Vow Renewal
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    Vow Renewal

    A couple had been married 50 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows. They were discussing the details of their second wedding with their friends. She wasn’t going to wear a traditional bridal gown, and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes […] More

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  • Please describe...

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    Please describe…

    A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. “Please describe,” said his attorney, “the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife’s infidelity.” “Well, I’m pretty much on the road all week,” the man testified. “So naturally when I am home, I’m attentive to the wife.” “One Sunday […] More

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  • That's strange...

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    That’s strange…

    One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party. His wife was prone to jealousy, so he didn’t mention the incident to her. Later in the evening, he was driving his wife to a restaurant when he noticed a stiletto-heeled shoe half-hidden under the passenger seat. Gripped with terror, […] More

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  • Why White?
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    Why White?

    A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?” The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.” The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father’s opinion, “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?” The […] More

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  • Not older...just better....
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    Not older…just better….

    For his wife’s birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: “You are not getting older, You are getting better.” When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.” It wasn’t until the good doctor […] More

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  • Sounds more like a nightmare...
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    Sounds more like a nightmare…

    An older couple wakes up in the morning and the husband looks over at his wife and says, ” Wow! You wouldn’t believe the dream I had…” The wife replies, “Yes, go on tell me.” So the husband says “I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married.” The wife […] More

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  • Edited Wedding Vows
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    Edited Wedding Vows

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. ‘Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d […] More

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  • The Best Gift
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    The Best Gift

    A woman goes to Spain to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: “Thank you, honey, what would you like me to bring for you?” The husband laughs and says: “A Spanish girl!” The woman kept quiet and […] More

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