Ah, the little b – I mean darlings! A never-ending source of wit and worry.
A mixture of jokes about what they say, what they shouldn’t say and what they mean to us all.
Guaranteed to raise a pained grin on every parent’s face!
Best Children Jokes
Little Johnny is in the bath having a wank when his mother walks in. “What the hell do you think you are doing!” she says. To which he replies, “Mum, it’s mine and I’ll wash it as fast as I like.” More
A mother and father read a bedtime story of a king to their five-year-old son. As the story concludes, the son says, “Mom, I also want five wives. One will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…” Mom: “And one will put you to sleep!” Son: “No mom, I will still sleep with you.” […] More
A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, “Hi, Daddy!” and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the […] More
What kind of filling?
A little boy called Ben was taken to the dentist. Examination revealed that Ben had a cavity, which needed filling. “Now, young man,” asked the dentist, “what kind of filling would you like for that tooth, amalgam or composite?” “I would prefer chocolate, please,” replied Ben. More
Not eating chicken
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken […] More
I guessed FIVE
A little boy came home from kindergarten with a blue ribbon. When his mommy asked him “What is the blue ribbon for?” he proudly announced, “I won!” When pressed for details he simply said, “The teacher asked all of us to guess how many legs a cow has. When my turn came, I guessed FIVE.” […] More
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, […] More
Play Mommie and Daddy
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to […] More
They’re Exactly Alike
A family known for being extremely frugal was blessed with twin girls. Around three months a neighbor suggested that they have their pictures taken. The father thought this was a good ideal and the next time he saw the neighbor he showed him a photograph. “This is a fine picture” said the neighbor. “But this […] More
The Best Gift
A woman goes to Spain to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: “Thank you, honey, what would you like me to bring for you?” The husband laughs and says: “A Spanish girl!” The woman kept quiet and […] More
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, “my wife was reading a “tale of two cities,” and she gave birth to twins.” “That’s funny,” the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets.” The third man shouted, “Good God, I have […] More
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother said, “Well, maybe that’s something you could ask […] More