Best Children Jokes

  • Little Johnny
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    Little Johnny

    Little Johnny is in the bath having a wank when his mother walks in. “What the hell do you think you are doing!” she says. To which he replies, “Mum, it’s mine and I’ll wash it as fast as I like.” More

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  • Happy Dad
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    Happy Dad

    A mother and father read a bedtime story of a king to their five-year-old son. As the story concludes, the son says, “Mom, I also want five wives. One will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…” Mom: “And one will put you to sleep!” Son: “No mom, I will still sleep with you.” […] More

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  • Hi, Daddy!
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    Hi, Daddy!

    A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, “Hi, Daddy!” and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the […] More

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  • What kind of filling?
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    What kind of filling?

    A little boy called Ben was taken to the dentist. Examination revealed that Ben had a cavity, which needed filling. “Now, young man,” asked the dentist, “what kind of filling would you like for that tooth, amalgam or composite?” “I would prefer chocolate, please,” replied Ben. More

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  • Not eating chicken
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    Not eating chicken

    A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken […] More

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  • I guessed FIVE
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    I guessed FIVE

    A little boy came home from kindergarten with a blue ribbon. When his mommy asked him “What is the blue ribbon for?” he proudly announced, “I won!” When pressed for details he simply said, “The teacher asked all of us to guess how many legs a cow has. When my turn came, I guessed FIVE.” […] More

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  • Magic trick
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    Magic trick

    After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, […] More

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  • Play Mommie and Daddy
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    Play Mommie and Daddy

    Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to […] More

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  • Are bugs good to eat?
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    Are bugs good to eat?

    A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” More

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  • The first suit?
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    The first suit?

    A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “What […] More

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  • Bank Account
    in

    Bank Account

    Mother decided that 7-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday. “Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. “It’s your account, darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.” Cathy was doing fine until she came to space for ‘Name of […] More

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  • Two dumb fishermen
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    They Can’t See It

    Little Johnny went fishing with his dad, who had his fishing license on the back of his hat. After a while they had caught no fish when Little Johnny offered the following suggestion: “Dad, turn your hat around so the fish can see your license.” More

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