Best Animal Jokes

  • Pious Parrots
    in ,

    Pious Parrots

    One day a woman approached her parish priest for advice. “Father, I have two female parrots at home. I’m so distraught I don’t know what to do. They say such horrible things!“ “What do they say?“ the priest asks. “Well, much of it shouldn’t be repeated, but to give you the idea, they say things […] More

    Read More

  • Where are you taking that lobster?
    in

    Where are you taking that lobster?

    Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm. “Are you taking that lobster home to dinner?” he asks. “No,” says friend, “he’s had his dinner and now I’m taking him to the pictures” More

    Read More

  • A frog telephones a psychic
    in ,

    A frog telephones a psychic

    A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “Great” says the frog. “Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” replies the psychic. “Next year, in a biology class.” More

    Read More

  • Why am I so big...
    in

    Why am I so big…

    An elephant and a mouse were talking together. The elephant said to the mouse, “Why am I so big and strong and heavy and you are so tiny, weak and puny and grey?” The mouse said, “Well, I’ve been ill haven’t I “ More

    Read More

  • little baby mouse bats
    in

    Look, Mommy…

    A little baby mouse is walking hand in hand together with her mother. Suddenly a bat comes flying in the air. The little mouse point’s at the bat saying: Look, Mommy, an angel. More

    Read More

  • Two caterpillars
    in

    Two caterpillars

    Two caterpillars were crawling along with a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead. One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: “You’ll never get me up in one of those things “ More

    Read More

  • Two weeks later...
    in

    Two weeks later…

    A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says “can I sell you some double glazing.” To which the man replies “no” and kicks him down the […] More

    Read More

  • Put this dog down!
    in ,

    Put this dog down!

    A man goes to the vet about his dog’s fleas. The vet says “I’m sorry, I’ll have to put this dog down”. The man is incredulous and asks why, and the vet says: “because he is far too heavy.” More

    Read More

  • I want that horse!
    in

    I want that horse!

    A man went to a horse breeder and said, I want that horse. The breeder said that horse ain’t looking so good, but the man still wanted to buy it, so he did. The next day he came back with the horse and said, you sold me a blind horse, the breeder replied I told […] More

    Read More

  • Dalmatian's Duties
    in ,

    Dalmatian’s Duties

    A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another. “He’s […] More

    Read More

  • Talking parrot
    in ,

    Talking parrot

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won […] More

    Read More

  • A guy and his monkey
    in ,

    A guy and his monkey

    A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks, “what’s with the monkey?” The man replies, “don’t worry about him I pay for anything he does”. The monkey jumps on the bar, finds some peanuts and eats them. He finds Some pickled egg […] More

    Read More

Load More
Congratulations. You've reached the end of the internet.