Best Animal Jokes

  • little baby mouse bats
    in

    Look, Mommy…

    A little baby mouse is walking hand in hand together with her mother. Suddenly a bat comes flying in the air. The little mouse point’s at the bat saying: Look, Mommy, an angel. More

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  • Two caterpillars
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    Two caterpillars

    Two caterpillars were crawling along with a leaf when a butterfly flew past overhead. One caterpillar turned to the other one and said: “You’ll never get me up in one of those things “ More

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  • Two weeks later...
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    Two weeks later…

    A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says “can I sell you some double glazing.” To which the man replies “no” and kicks him down the […] More

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  • Where are you taking that lobster?
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    Where are you taking that lobster?

    Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm. “Are you taking that lobster home to dinner?” he asks. “No,” says friend, “he’s had his dinner and now I’m taking him to the pictures” More

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  • Put this dog down!
    in ,

    Put this dog down!

    A man goes to the vet about his dog’s fleas. The vet says “I’m sorry, I’ll have to put this dog down”. The man is incredulous and asks why, and the vet says: “because he is far too heavy.” More

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  • in

    I want that horse!

    A man went to a horse breeder and said, I want that horse. The breeder said that horse ain’t looking so good, but the man still wanted to buy it, so he did. The next day he came back with the horse and said, you sold me a blind horse, the breeder replied I told […] More

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  • Church Squirrels
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    Church Squirrels

    In a small town there were three churches. Recently, the grounds had become overrun with squirrels. The three churches (Methodist, Presbyterian, and Catholic) decided to hold a small meeting regarding what they could do to get rid of the squirrels. The Methodists show up and say “We’ve thought about it and if the grounds are […] More

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  • Pious Parrots
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    Pious Parrots

    One day a woman approached her parish priest for advice. “Father, I have two female parrots at home. I’m so distraught I don’t know what to do. They say such horrible things!“ “What do they say?“ the priest asks. “Well, much of it shouldn’t be repeated, but to give you the idea, they say things […] More

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  • in ,

    Talking parrot

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won […] More

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  • A guy and his monkey
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    A guy and his monkey

    A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks, “what’s with the monkey?” The man replies, “don’t worry about him I pay for anything he does”. The monkey jumps on the bar, finds some peanuts and eats them. He finds Some pickled egg […] More

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  • The monkey and the lizard
    in

    The monkey and the lizard

    A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey “hey! what are you doing”? The monkey says “smoking a joint, come up and have some.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few […] More

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  • The Smartest Dog Ever

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    in

    The Smartest Dog Ever

    As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, […] More

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