Best Random Jokes

  • Alaska affair
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    Alaska affair

    These two guys had both just got divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a […] More

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  • Does your Mother…
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    Does your Mother…

    A college student picked up his date at her parent’s home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu – appetizers, lobster, champagne… the works. Finally, he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?” […] More

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  • Accident policy
    in

    Accident policy

    An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy. The agent inquires, “Have you ever had an accident?” “Never,” the cowboy responds. “However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle.” “Wouldn’t you call these accidents?” says the […] More

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  • A normal person doctor asylum
    in ,

    What Is Your Bed Number

    In a Psychiatric Hospital, a Journalist asks the Doctor: “How do you determine whether to admit a person as a patient or not? Dr: Well … we’d fill a bathtub with water and then give a teaspoon, a glass and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub. Journalist: Oh, obviously […] More

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  • Hi, Daddy!
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    Hi, Daddy!

    A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, “Hi, Daddy!” and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the […] More

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  • Well behaved

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    Well behaved

    First Lady: “My son is very well behaved.” Second Lady: “How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.” First Lady: “Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.” More

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  • You did a great job
    in ,

    You did a great job

    The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. “You did a great job,” he said and handed the man a check. “Also, in order to thank you, here’s an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.” Later that night, the doorbell […] More

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  • Plumber’s truck

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    Plumber’s truck

    Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer and a carpenter. One afternoon he returned from work early and saw a plumber’s truck in the driveway. “Lord,” he pleaded, looking skyward, “please let my wife be having an affair.” More

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  • Public speaking skills
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    Public speaking skills

    The veteran politician, not known for his public speaking skills, was going to give a speech at the Olympics. He looked at the teleprompter and began, “O, O, O, O, O.” An aid quickly ran over and told him, “That is the logo sir.” More

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  • Quickest way to New York
    in

    Quickest way to New York

    A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. “What’s the quickest way to New York?” The local scratched his head. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger. “I’m driving.” “That’s the quickest way.” More

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  • Glowing number 5
    in ,

    Glowing number 5

    When the gambler wakes up from dreaming about a huge glowing number 5 made of gold and diamonds, he knows it’s an omen. So he grabs a racing form and looks up that day’s fifth race. Sure enough, the number 5 horse in the fifth race is Fifth Element. So for the rest of the […] More

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