#3 How do you feel?
These two old guys from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “You know, I’m 85 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains all the time. I feel like I’m falling apart.. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
The second old guy replies, “You know, I feel just like a newborn baby.”
The first old guy says, “Really! Like a newborn baby?”
The second old guy says, “Yeah – no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
#2 Retired gynecologist
I’m a retired gynecologist but occasionally I’ll do the odd appointment at a local surgery.
You know… just to keep my hand in.
#1 Hearing problems
An elderly retired gentleman had had severe hearing problems for some time.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.
One month later, the elderly man went back again to the doctor. The doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
